Order Only: Private message to Justin

[alt_sally_anne]

I saw you wrote to Dolohov.

I wrote to him when I thought he was dead. I wasn't very

Did he write back to you? (I assume you actually had authorisation, unlike Evelyn. And me, but I really did think he was dead. They said he was dead!)

Comments

[alt_justin]

Sally-Anne,

Yes, he wrote back. I made certain he would do, if you follow me. Rachel asked me to goad him, the way Hydra led Crouch to fight her.

I'm currently in the process of trying different tactics, what, to see what will cause him to grow impatient, bored or angry with me.

The result was - perhaps not as satisfying as one might have hoped. Though it's notable that he's attempting to play similar games with me.

-Justin

[alt_sally_anne]

He didn't write back to me. I wasn't trying to goad him, though I did tell him that -- well, it doesn't matter.

Did you go to that memorial service Cedric was organising?

I didn't.

[alt_justin]

No. I most certainly did not. In fact if I'd been less distracted by keeping an eye out for Hydra's posts to Crouch, I might have told him exactly what I thought of how ludicrous the suggestion was.

Perhaps it's useful that I felt no urge to pour out my heart to his sainted memory, or I couldn't now make him believe I'm a threat. If I can make him believe it, what. Thus far I'm still a gnat in his ear, or perhaps more accurately an adorable pet he can tease and indulge.

And as for Cedric, Sinistra and the others--I say, Sally-Anne, I know he did you a service, arranging that internship, but am I really alone in understanding that every kindness he extended to any of us, including Sinistra, was merely to line his shelves with people he thought would be useful to him? Oh, it was all in the best light possible, to be sure, but he looked on none of us with unconditional affection. One need only look at what he did to Ginny--or what he led Crouch to do to all those people - to know that.

For all we know, their 'prayers' for him are part of what kept him tied to his physical body long enough to claw his way back from Hell. Which is where he and Crouch belong.

And Evelyn--Hydra was livid, I don't mind telling you. So was I, if it comes to that. If she hadn't acted so precipitously we might have been able to reveal Crouch's location to him in a more effective manner. As it is, he--

Oh, I say. Dash it. I think I've just put together something he said.

[alt_sally_anne]

What? You mean in his reply to you?

[alt_justin]

Yes. Dash it.

The moment I heard what Evelyn had done I recommended a concealed perimeter round Crouch's remains. I got to the Forest myself, as quickly as possible, in case he made an attempt to recover them.

Then in his reply he said, 'I cannot be fooled more than once.' I thought it odd at the time but let it go, what. I thought it was another of his little games.

But now I think he might have come after all, and seen something that warned him off.

Dash it. I shall have to ask Evelyn if he mentioned it.

-Justin

[alt_sally_anne]

Anyway, yes. He wanted me to become a Healer because he wanted to have a Healer who was in his debt, because that way he'd feel like he could trust me to have his best interests in mind.

You know, though, it was pretty flattering that he actually thought I'd be useful to him, given how many professors just wrote me off altogether because my mother was muggleborn.

And I enjoyed his company. I enjoyed talking about books with him. And other things. I miss th

I guess

I don't know. I mean on one hand, having a memorial service to pray for him felt wrong. Or at least, I didn't want to do it. In that message I wrote him I said 'good luck with the afterlife' and that was as much of a prayer as I wanted to write (that's sort of what prayers for the dead really ARE, though, aren't they? 'good luck with the afterlife! hope you get a nice one!' only poetically). Especially with Especially given how many people in the Order were mourning for friends and family due to Barty effing Crouch.

On the other hand, I guess my feelings are complicated. I know he's my enemy. But he was an enemy I was fond of for a long time. Ron -- doesn't miss Savitha Desai at all but he does miss that she was one of the only people who ever treated him as special. Like he was worth cultivating. She saw his worth. The Order didn't, exactly, for a long time, I mean that was sort of true for all of us, they just saw us as kids.

I don't know.

[alt_justin]

He cultivated fondness, it's true. He counted on endearing people to him. Everything I've heard about Riddle, early on, was the same. Riddle also drew people to him and seduced them with the idea that they were essential.

The only prayers I said at the time were in thanks that he was gone. And those, it seems, were not received well.

I'm jolly well sorry it's complicated for you. I do understand the feeling you describe and I can't deny that I felt it, from time to time, when I was studying under him. I expected it, but it repulsed me at the same time.

Perhaps it's different because I was the only one of us who deliberately chose to use his own schemes against him.

-Justin

[alt_sally_anne]

Maybe it's because he wanted you to do things you found morally appalling.

I could have been a Healer for Death Eaters without much moral compromise. The oath says that I will never see any patient as anything but a fellow creature in pain. It doesn't say I have to be an idiot (Seamus Finnigan tried to get me to come heal Rosier during the May Battle and no, I wasn't going to go put myself at Finnigan's mercy) but even without a debt, if I were a Healer and Dolohov were my patient, I'd be required to help him.

He wasn't trying to turn you into a Healer, though. Far from. And you might be rather good at assassinating people but I can't imagine that's what you said you wanted to be when you grew up, back when you were six. (Not that I wanted to be a Healer when I was six, but you know what I mean.)

[alt_sally_anne]

And argh, speaking of being a Healer, I'm supposed to go in early tonight to do the Potions inventory before my shift starts. And I haven't eaten or anything. This night shift business is for the birds. The nocturnal sort of birds.

Anyway good luck baiting him. I think he'd be a lot harder to bait than B