I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good: Private message to Pansy

[alt_sally_anne]

Terry wanted to warn me about some of the things the Order said about Mr Malfoy. About what he did in Ireland, especially. He wasn't sure how you'd react.

You and Harry and Draco were talking the other day about trying to get on the Council. Are you still thinking about it? Even after

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[alt_pansy]

I don't know.

I don't want Draco and Harry to be alone.

They've already mentioned me as a possibility, and if Justin doesn't want to go down that road, I feel like I ought to at least try.

I want

I want to be of some use. I'm not going to be a Healer, or be able to help with maps and ley lines and things, what I've got is my name and connections, so I might as well put them to work.

[alt_sally_anne]

That doesn't mean your only option is to try to get on the Council, though.

I mean most of the people on the Council are -- well, especially the women, you know? Mrs Malfoy isn't on the Council. Professor Siz isn't. It's people like Bellatrix Lestrange and Lana Sandoval.

I mean there's also the Headmistress. But she's kind of an odd one out in some ways. Or else we just don't hear about the awful stuff she does because the Order doesn't want to have to think about it.

[alt_pansy]

Maybe they needed her to secure Hogwarts.

Maybe she does really awful things, which is why she drank.

And what else could I do? Throw the right kind of parties and hope something useful comes of it? Marry a council member, and use him for information? If I have to be like Lana Sandoval to be of use, maybe I ought to work on being more like Lana Sandoval.

[alt_sally_anne]

Well for starters in the recent minutes they said that they really needed a spy in the Department of Mysteries and then Mr Lupin said, 'for Merlin's sake no one tell the kids,' like he thought we might try to infiltrate over summer hols.

And they need someone in magical transport to make unregistered Portkeys that work properly, you're really quite good at Arithmancy and you could certainly get a job there when you finished school. (For that matter, Jeremy was good at Arithmancy, I wonder if HE could get that job? Because he probably would join the Order, if he knew about it...Hmm.)

Anyway I'm not saying you need to be an Unspeakable or that you need to go to work for the Portkey Office. I'm just saying, 'Healer' and 'Councilwitch' are not the only two options you can choose from.

[alt_pansy]

Okay.

I guess I'm still feeling sort of useless after our careers meetings, and everyone else seems to be so sure of what they can do.

I'm sorry. I'm whinging.

And I don't want Draco and Harry to try and take on the Council from within alone, if it comes to that. And if there's only a few of us who could help them that way, I guess I just thought that'd be something, you know?

[alt_sally_anne]

I don't think Harry and Draco should do it, either. I don't think we should try to take the Council from within.

Or maybe I just don't really want to see my friends do it.

You HAVE to do WHATEVER the Lord Protector orders. I mean in theory so does everyone but if the Lord Protector ordered you right now to cruciate someone or kill someone no one would think it was all that surprising if you couldn't manage it. If you were on the Council and he told you to cruciate someone or kill them you would have to.

[alt_pansy]

You're right. It's not the only way. And I'm not even sure if I could.

I guess it's mostly that if I did have a chance at it, then yes, there'd be other things I could do to be helpful, but I'd be short-sighted to walk away from the possibility entirely because I didn't want to get my hands dirty.

[alt_sally_anne]

Yeah.

[alt_sally_anne]

Pansy you are NOT USELESS.

You're clever and talented and you can persuade people of almost anything and you have better connexions than any of the rest of us (even Draco! because you're nicer to people! it makes people WANT to do things for you).

The fact that Professor Slughorn thinks it's fine if you waste your talents on being a Society Witch doesn't mean that's all you can do.

[alt_pansy]

Thank you for that.

[alt_pansy]

And Lucius

I know

I mean, I know he's done awful things.

It isn't like I thought the entire time that he'd never killed anyone before.

[alt_pansy]

Still. Almost five thousand people. In two days.

It's

I can't even hold that number in my head.

[alt_sally_anne]

It's one thing to know he's done awful things. It's another to see the details on what specific awful things he's done.

Mr Selwyn, too.

Although -- Mr Selwyn killed all those people, but then he also tried to kill the Lord Protector. Nothing's ever simple. (Well, I guess that's not quite true. There are some people we know who are just evil through and through, like Bellatrix Lestrange. And the Carrows back when they were alive. But mostly it seems to be a little more complicated than that.)

It's a little like Dolohov. I knew he'd done terrible things. I knew he'd killed people (including Mrs Weasley's brothers). It was still a shock to see him that way.

[alt_pansy]

And Lucius was punished, too. Bill Weasley said he had been. Badly enough for Percy to say something, which means it was pretty bad.

So maybe he was part of Mr Selwyn's plan too. Or enough of a part of it to get in trouble, but not enough to be killed.

[alt_sally_anne]

If you looked at Harry's memory of the rite, like Draco did, do you think you'd see anything about Lucius that would tell you if he WAS part of the plan?

If you seriously want to be a councilwitch I think you should look at that memory because it would show you what you're getting into the sort of thing they have to do.

Mr Mulciber had to cut out a man's heart. With a knife.

[alt_pansy]

I'd know. At least I think I'd know.

Mr Selwyn got closer to killing him than anyone has in years and years.

If my cutting out person's heart could give us the chance to save millions

I know. It'd have to be more than just doing something awful to one person.

[alt_pansy]

Draco saw it. He'd know. I just don't know if he'd tell me.

[alt_sally_anne]

You could ask. And see what he says.

Or we could go to Professor Brutka and ask to see it.

[alt_pansy]

I suppose I can't avoid it forever. And he can always choose not to answer.

I'll ask. And if he doesn't want to tell me, I can see for myself.

[alt_sally_anne]

Don't go without me. If you watch it I'm watching too.

[alt_pansy]

Okay.

[alt_pansy]

I still

I hate what he's done.

But I don't hate him. I can't.

[alt_sally_anne]

No.

I know.

Honestly I sort of feel the same way about Professor Dolohov.