I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

[alt_sally_anne]

So, we met the night we got back and we talked about our 'assets' -- the things we had, the things we had access to, the things we could do.

I took notes (again) (someone remind me not to bring a quill next time). I thought I'd put what we talked about here, and Terry, you weren't at the meeting obviously but if you want to add your thoughts you can. Also, we wanted to talk about things we could DO with all these assets but we didn't come up with much and it was really late, so maybe we can talk about that some more, too.

OKAY.

Ron

Good at Defence, Charms, Transfig, and Dark Arts. Likes problem solving. Is brave, not easily embarrassed, doesn't mind getting dirty. Good at orienteering (finding his way), flying.

His mum has the barter network so he might be able to get hold of some things that are usually hard to find. The Burrow is also an asset because it's safe (or safer, anyway).

Sort of knows Director Selwyn.

Collection of muggle gadgets in the shed. (NOTE: have Justin look at this sometime.)

Could get hair from Percy if we want to impersonate Percy with polyjuice.

Hydra

Good in all her lessons except Arithmancy. Knows a lot of defensive hexes.

Not afraid of pain, good at observing and at keeping secrets, doesn't get upset easily, and some people are afraid of her (because of Auror Lestrange).

Knows Occlumency.

Access to Auror Lestrange and Rodolphus Lestrange. Can eavesdrop; might be able to get hair.

Knows things about the Lord Protector that no one else does.

Access to private libraries, a horse, Mr Lestrange's workshop and potions lab and collection of dark artefacts.

MeSally-Anne

Good at lessons. Knows some Healing, clever at runework and making magical objects (nothing super fancy, though). Can fix things. Has a rat.

Access to the Stretton estates, which produce all sorts of food and cloth and so on.

Professor Dolohov, Professor Sinistra, and Madam Pomfrey all like me. Some of the muggles on the Stretton estate know me and trust me.

Pansy

Good at talking to adults. Good liar, good at codes. Can write songs, poems, jokes.

Property and possessions that she can access for use: a house in London (technically her mum has possession but she's not usually there); a potions room in that house; a House elf; a vault at Gringott's; a horse; money. She also has access to Lucius Malfoy's house in London.

People she can access: a solicitor; Lucius Malfoy; Sirius Black (though not as close to him as Justin); muggleborn stableworker at Gloss House; Professors Dolohov, Siz, Madam Pomfrey. Also knows a lot of important people who go to parties, casually. Knows a bloke in the Forbidden Forest who's part giant and owns a flying motorbike (not well).

Has copies of Lucius Malfoy's personal stationary, and his signature. Could get his hair.

Has an owl and a kneazle.

Justin

Good at getting on with people. Tactful! Good at duelling, all his lessons. Very good handwriting and might be able to learn to forge. Knows muggle first aid and water safety. Can ride horse and broom. Fluent in Latin, Greek, French, and 'Muggle.' Clean school record and no enemies.

Jugsons like him a LOT. Is friendly with their muggleborn, Maggie. Has a lot of money but can't access it yet. Has a solicitor. Contacts on the continent. Might be able to get things from Mr Selwyn or Mr Rosier. Professor Dolohov likes him loads.

Hermione

Brilliant (you said 'clever,' that's not right. I'm 'clever' and you're a lot cleverer than I am.) Good at learning from books. In the Order.

No one other than us (and the wand-smugglers) know she has a wand. Is in and out of places like Buckingham and Malfoy Manor all the time. Can brew Polyjuice Potion!

Because she's a muggleborn, people sometimes forget she's there and listening.

Evelyn

People forget she's there so she hears a lot of gossip.

Good at Arithmancy (and Charms and Astronomy). Knits and embroiders. Knows people in Wyre muggle camp. Knows some theatrical glamours. Okay on a broom.

Has trustworthy adults (her gran, Uncle Algie).

Has some books from her parents (who were Aurors).

Neville

Is learning occlumency.

Best subject is Herbology. Really good gardener. Knows a lot more about Defence than he lets on in class. Also, see Evelyn's about trustworthy adults, books.

Luna

Artistic. Draws, sews, makes things, cooks. Best class is CoMC. Can tie knots really well. Has the parts to a printing press (not here).

Weasley Twins

Identical twins who can pass for each other. Can make things explode. Very clever at Charms, Transfig, and Potions. Know lots of big important secrets they can't tell us and can pass messages but can't tell us to who (other than the Order). Can apparate, including side-along. Lots of friends.

Lee

Good at Charms, Runes, Arithmancy, Potions. 'Gift of gab.' Can find things that are lost. Really good swimmer and can hold breath for a long time. Black market contacts. Secret way into Hogwarts kitchen. Good observer.

Susan

My quill point snapped and I told myself I'd remember what we said about Susan but now I can't, except that Professor Grubbly-Plank is a relative.

We talked a little about things we wanted to do but like I said we ran out of time. Pansy suggested we could do things for the muggleborns we knew, like Maureen and Maggie, and suggested more of the bracelets like we made for Hermione and Terry (and you made for me, too, I have one, though fortunately the Strettons haven't gone utterly mad again and I haven't needed it.)

Comments

[alt_terry]

Okay. Now for the part that's more difficult to talk about. Um...there are two reasons I'm gonna say this. First of all, the Order is aware that if we're really going to change things, to the point of throwing off the Protectorate, some of what we'll have to do won't be so nice, exactly. There are a number of pathways that could lead to a better world for us. But some of them could lead us through some bloody grim times. Like fighting. Even war. There are ways I can help on those darker pathways, because of some of the things I've been through.

But the other thing is--oh, bloody hell. Something's sort of come up, that makes it so I need to tell you some things I've been too ashamed to admit up until now. Scared to admit. Because I was too afraid of what you would think about this. So this is hard.

All right.

I know more about the Dark Arts than anybody should really know in a life time. I've seen a lot of the rites, and I know the theories behind them, and what they're supposed to do and how they can go wrong.

I know a lot of different ways to hurt people. I've seen it demonstrated, how to kill them. Both with and without magic. Some of the ways are quick and painless, but most of them aren't.

I've--this is really hard. Fred and George and Lee already know this. I hope once you know it--

I've done it myself. I'm an experienced killer.

Amycus Carrow. He didn't die from a fall off the tower wall. The very first time I transformed--see, he was going to kill me. The way they explained it, I'm not a murderer, because I did it in self-defence. But I am a killer. As soon as I transformed, when he went for me, I--I tore his throat out. With my teeth. When Sirius Black and Neville's Dad found me and took me away to safety, I had his blood all over me. I didn't have any choice. It makes me sick to remember it, so I try not to think about it if I can help it, and I hate that it happened the very first time I transformed, and I sometimes still taste I wish it had never happened, but I can't go back and change it now.

I was so afraid to tell you, but that's why I couldn't entirely explain before now why I hate the Dark Arts so much. Because the Dark Arts will always always find a way to betray you, if you try to use them. He used them to hurt and punish me. He thought he was clever enough and strong enough to dare the risk, but even the best Dark Arts practitioners don't escape the price in the end. So the Arts betrayed him by shaping me into a tool that would punish and destroy him.

I've thought, given all this, I might become a soldier, if it comes to war. I guess I've had just about the best training for it that anyone my age could ever have. I don't want to hurt people. Or kill them. I hope I never never have to again.

But I could. If I absolutely must.

So. That's it. That's what I couldn't bring myself to say up until now.

[alt_luna]

That is an impressive list of assets, really. Even if you hope that you will never have to use the darker ones.

He thought so little of you and didn't see all you were capable of doing. That was certainly very foolish, wasn't it?

I think I understand much better now. I'm so sorry for what you've had to face, as one Ravenclaw to another. It's difficult to look ugly things in the face at times, but we can help do that for you, if it's necessary for your peace of mind.

[alt_terry]

Oh, it is.

[alt_luna]

Why is that, do you think?

[alt_terry]

I don't know. Hermione said something to me recently, about how it was ridiculous to have to keep so many secrets. I've been thinking about that. I understand the reason for most of them, the ones we have for the Order. But Hermione's right about one thing at least: so many secrets are a real burden. Then when you're hiding stuff about yourself on top of that, it makes everything even sort of more unreal.

I guess I was just sick of it. I couldn't stand any more going back and forth wondering if you would all kick me out of the lock group or something if I admitted the truth, so I finally decided I had to come right out and say it. Get it over with.

[alt_luna]

Goodness, we wouldn't do that. Were you really afraid that we would?

[alt_terry]

Yes.

[alt_luna]

Well, that would be quite foolish of us, wouldn't it?

[alt_terry]

I don't know. You lot will have to decide that.

[alt_sally_anne]

Terry.

We all hated the git. All of us. We hated him for what he'd done to you (and was doing to you) but he also murdered Hannah. Not to mention all the muggles he killed, like the man who became a ghost when you were at Lincoln.

WHY would we hold it against you that you killed him?

I mean even if you'd ripped his throat out while he slept, I wouldn't hold that against you, either. Because you'd still have been defending yourself against all the horror he was planning in the future for you. And defending other people against Carrow murdering them.

[alt_terry]

I suppose it does sound mad when you put it like that. Thank you for saying something...bracing.

I don't know if I can exactly explain why I was so afraid of what you'd think. I guess--I haven't really said what a mess I was by the time I escaped. I'd been stuck in that castle with him for over a year, and the only company I had was the prisoners he was killing and other slaves and him. I've told you how he got off on the idea of tainting me, corrupting me. It was like a battle of wills between us, that I would be all right if I could just hang on to myself, and not turn into someone like him.

I'd pinned all my hopes on learning the transformation. If only I could figure out, then I could escape. I'd be all right, I'd be free. And then the day I escaped, I ended up doing something that had horrified me every time I saw him do it. Killing him was the very first thing I did in my animagus form. It felt like, I was free of him, but I had turned into him. So I was gonna take him with me wherever I went.

The Order was so kind to me. They knew exactly what was the right thing to do: they came right away and found Fred and George and brought them to me. That helped more than anything. And my animagus form helped a lot, too. When I'm in it, I can't be boot. It calms me down.

It's taken me a long time to come to terms with it. Finally telling you all about it is part of that.

Thanks.

[alt_susan]

Yes, to all of this. I'm sorry for everything he put you through, and that you had to be the one to do it.

But I'm glad he got what was coming to him.

Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_neville]

It is a shock to hear. But I have to admit it crossed my mind a time or two to wonder how Carrow died, if it really was just an accident. Not that I thought you did it, but I wondered if someone with you had.

My Dad was one of the ones that found you? I'm glad, then, that he was one of the ones that led you to safety.

Re: Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_terry]

Neville. I know about Seamus. The Order was aware of it.

And I know that you know.

Re: Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_neville]

Bugger. How--

oh. The letter?

Re: Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_terry]

They didn't read it to me, honest. They would never do that.

I just accidentally overheard them talking about it, in a general way. And since I already knew about what happened during the rite, I could put the pieces together pretty easily.

Re: Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_neville]

But you got how upset I was, when I learned about what happened from Seamus.

Blimey, that's why you wrote this, isn't it? Because you needed to see if I'd tell everyone you should be thrown out on your ear or something?

Re: Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_terry]

Uh.

Yeah.

Re: Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_neville]

You sure you're not a Gryffindor?

Re: Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_terry]

Yeah, I'm sure.

Re: Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_neville]

It seems to me that the cases are different. But I'm going to have to think about it all, I'll admit.

Anyway, I'm not going to tell them to toss you out on your ear. Okay?

Re: Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_terry]

...

Thanks, Nev.

Re: Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_neville]

Any advice on what to say to Seamus?

Re: Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_terry]

That depends. Are you very good friends with him?

Re: Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_neville]

No, we're really not. It's almost a fluke that I knew at all.

He's become awfully cold, like he's trying to freeze me out.

Re: Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_terry]

That's not a very good sign.

I guess the only thing I can think of is, just make sure he has someone he can talk with that he trusts.

Re: Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_neville]

I guess that would be Padma Patil.

Re: Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_terry]

Her? Oh, joy. She'll really get him on the right road.

Yes, I'm being sarcastic.

Re: Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_neville]

Uh huh.

Re: Private message to Terry Boot

[alt_terry]

I dunno, Neville. Just...just do all you can to show him that you're not horrified by him, and you don't hold it against him.

Even if you are.

[alt_hydra]

Well if you're experienced in that then I suppose I am, too. Not the same way, but -

Dennis. You remember.

It may not have been me, but I was there, and it wasn't self-defence. Not at all.

[alt_terry]

I hadn't thought of that. But yes, I do see.

I've been talking to a couple people here about it, and that's helped a lot. About ethics, and responsibility, and knowing what's under your control and how to handle it when something terrible happens that isn't under your control.

I wish you could meet them. I think you would like them. I hope you've had people you can trust that you can talk with, too.