I suppose it does sound mad when you put it like that. Thank you for saying something...bracing.
I don't know if I can exactly explain why I was so afraid of what you'd think. I guess--I haven't really said what a mess I was by the time I escaped. I'd been stuck in that castle with him for over a year, and the only company I had was the prisoners he was killing and other slaves and him. I've told you how he got off on the idea of tainting me, corrupting me. It was like a battle of wills between us, that I would be all right if I could just hang on to myself, and not turn into someone like him.
I'd pinned all my hopes on learning the transformation. If only I could figure out, then I could escape. I'd be all right, I'd be free. And then the day I escaped, I ended up doing something that had horrified me every time I saw him do it. Killing him was the very first thing I did in my animagus form. It felt like, I was free of him, but I had turned into him. So I was gonna take him with me wherever I went.
The Order was so kind to me. They knew exactly what was the right thing to do: they came right away and found Fred and George and brought them to me. That helped more than anything. And my animagus form helped a lot, too. When I'm in it, I can't be boot. It calms me down.
It's taken me a long time to come to terms with it. Finally telling you all about it is part of that.
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Date: 2013-01-11 12:31 pm (UTC)I don't know if I can exactly explain why I was so afraid of what you'd think. I guess--I haven't really said what a mess I was by the time I escaped. I'd been stuck in that castle with him for over a year, and the only company I had was the prisoners he was killing and other slaves and him. I've told you how he got off on the idea of tainting me, corrupting me. It was like a battle of wills between us, that I would be all right if I could just hang on to myself, and not turn into someone like him.
I'd pinned all my hopes on learning the transformation. If only I could figure out, then I could escape. I'd be all right, I'd be free. And then the day I escaped, I ended up doing something that had horrified me every time I saw him do it. Killing him was the very first thing I did in my animagus form. It felt like, I was free of him, but I had turned into him. So I was gonna take him with me wherever I went.
The Order was so kind to me. They knew exactly what was the right thing to do: they came right away and found Fred and George and brought them to me. That helped more than anything. And my animagus form helped a lot, too. When I'm in it, I can't be boot. It calms me down.
It's taken me a long time to come to terms with it. Finally telling you all about it is part of that.
Thanks.