Order Only: Private message to Ron

[alt_sally_anne]

Sorry I wasn't at breakfast. I promise I'm not avoiding you.

I had really, really, really bad dreams last night. Woke up at like 4 in the morning and wound up waking up Pansy because I wanted to talk about them and I think I finally dozed back off just before I usually get up and she thought she'd just let me sleep.

Ugh ugh ugh. It was sort of like some of what I saw with the Prophesying Potion -- except, I remember this, and after the potion visions I just had what I'd written in the journals. But, you know, when I said Hogwarts was shattered and there were all those bodies. Except in the dream I was there while it was happening.

Comments

[alt_ron]

What?

That's--

I'm sorry I wasn't there.

Was it the stuff we were talking about last night that did it? I reckon it was. Bloody hell, I'm sorry.

[alt_sally_anne]

Maybe some of it, like the bits about us both going into danger and just having to live with the other being in danger? I mean it didn't have anything to do with getting married. I wasn't even -- I mean, I saw loads of people at Hogwarts fighting, including you, but not myself or Pansy, neither of us was anywhere.

[alt_ron]

Glad to hear it wasn't the idea of marrying me that gave you nightmares.

Nice.

[alt_ron]

But, what'd'you mean you didn't see yourself or Pansy? I mean, are you sure she wasn't just somewhere else you couldn't see? It's a big castle, yeah?

And you were there, weren't you? Seeing it? Or...?

[alt_sally_anne]

I just mean Pansy wasn't there where I could see her. She might have been sitting in the Slytherin common room or under a disillusionment charm or off somewhere safe. As for me, I just mean -- I wasn't seeing myself in the battle. I was seeing this battle that was happening, and I wasn't one of the people in it.

I sort of felt like I should be. Like I wanted to go find myself and say, 'almost all your friends are risking their lives to destroy Voldemort, go fight, why aren't you there?' but I didn't have any idea where to look.

[alt_ron]

But... is it because you were dead?

[alt_sally_anne]

I wasn't sure, honestly.

I mean there were all these people who were missing but sometimes in dreams you KNOW stuff and I didn't know anything about why they weren't there. Like the Longbottoms and Sirius? Thinking about it I guess they MUST have been dead? But it's possible I wasn't there because I'd never decided to be a Healer and had gone off somewhere safe because why wouldn't I.

[alt_ron]

I hope so.

[alt_sally_anne]

And it was full of -- there were loads of people who were dead, who were alive and fighting again. Like your Dad. And Percy, who was there fighting on our side. And Dean Thomas. And Neville, I mean not that he's dead but he was fighting. Also, some people were on our side who wouldn't be, like Patil and Finnigan. And loads of people just weren't there. Almost none of the Slytherins except for Draco and I think I saw Vince and Greg -- but, like, no Pansy, no Hydra, no Blaise. Well, I suppose Blaise would get the heck out of the way if a battle were starting so that's not surprising. Evelyn wasn't there. Mr and Mrs Longbottom weren't there and neither was Sirius but Mr Lupin was and so were Tonks and Mr Shacklebolt (and also your Mum and the rest of your family, I mean it wasn't just Percy). And the Headmistress! She was another one who was back, I guess.

Voldemort was there and the Lestranges -- right, Raz was ALSO not dead -- and Dolohov. But not Crouch. And Dolohov didn't fight nearly as well as he does in real life. None of them did, really. (None of the Councilwizards, I mean.)

People were dying all around me but I couldn't touch anything. No one could see or hear me. It was like being a ghost only worst. I mean, at least if Nearly-Headless Nick shouted 'look out behind you' you'd hear him, right? Even if he couldn't exactly patch you up with dittany if you didn't duck fast enough?

[alt_ron]

My dad?

[alt_sally_anne]

Yeah. He was alive, and fighting. And still alive when I woke up.

[alt_ron]

...

Who died?

[alt_sally_anne]

Fred, Tonks, Mr Lupin, Lavender Brown, Colin Creevey, those are the ones I saw for sure.

[alt_ron]

I don't like the idea of you as a ghost.

[alt_sally_anne]

Well, this dream certainly didn't make me think it would be fun.

I don't know if that's quite how they feel. The Baron, Nick, the Grey Lady, Myrtle... any of them. I suppose I could ask.

[alt_sally_anne]

Back when I took the potion, Mr Snape said, 'the visions generated by this potion are not inherently of the immutable future, but of a number of futures or pasts that are all possible somewhere, but not necessarily in the world we live in.'

When I talked with Daphne about it she told me they learned in Divination Class about a Seeress who saw these extremely detailed visions but they were all of OTHER versions of reality. Things that were real, but somewhere else. She said the woman gave up on Divination and wrote stories instead (and was rather successful at it).

The thing is I keep thinking about all the things that were different in the dream, the people who were there and not there -- did I mention that Padma Patil and Terry Boot were side by side, watching each others' backs? -- and trying to work out how it got that way. That other place. I mean can you imagine Patil and Terry as mates? It's sort of absurd.

[alt_ron]

Patil and Terry? Not bloody likely!

[alt_ron]

Not in six lifetimes! Or any reality.

Nope. Can't even imagine it!

[alt_ron]

If we had a Pensieve, d'you think you could let me see what you dreamed?

Only, I'd like to see Dad.

[alt_sally_anne]

Oh.

I don't know if it works on memories of dreams, or just real memories. I'll ask Mr Dumbledore.

Because of course. Of course you could.

You should know, though. One of the people who died in the dream was Fred.

[alt_ron]

Fred.

Huh.

[alt_sally_anne]

Anyway I've been sitting in Slytherin all day because I didn't see Slytherin House in the dream at all -- it was all places like the Great Hall -- and the thought of seeing the Great Hall again is making me anxious, even though I know that's utterly daft.

I could come out of hiding but if you meet me up at the end of the corridor I would really appreciate it.

[alt_ron]

On my way.