I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good: Private message to Pansy and Ron

[alt_sally_anne]

So have they been pulling all of us aside for quiet little conversations or just me? Because first Mrs Longbottom wanted to talk to me and then yesterday it was Tonks.

Mrs Longbottom wanted to tell me that they're trying to be less secretive and it's hard because they've got so many bad habits to break. Only I guess she could tell how cross I was getting because she backed off after a bit.

Talking to Tonks was better although I'm even more confused now about -- she had an awful, awful foster family, you know, Auror Crouch's parents. Once when she was sick, they didn't want to get her a Healer but they didn't want to catch the disease from her so they shut her in her room and barely even fed her.

She wanted to know if I wanted to join the Order. And what I thought was worth taking risks for, which was a good question, actually, it was sort of what Michael and I had that last really big fight over. He thought I was taking too many risks, with the potions.

And maybe he's right? Healing the muggle children who were sick last year, that was worth a lot of risk. Because some of them would have died. (And it turns out that none of them did, after all.) But the Hogwarts students who are hexed to throw up or have headaches or to drop things constantly or all the other awful things that Umbridge does to people, they won't die, or at least they shouldn't. It's about hurting people. And I can't -- I don't know, I can't bring myself to look at people who I could help and say, 'you're not hurting ENOUGH for me to risk myself.'

I don't know.

It's easier to make a decision when you know the consequences will be be annoying but not horrible, like if I'm taking a risk of being punished in an ordinary way it's different than if I'm risking being sent to the camps. And it's easier to make a decision when you know that what you're trying to stop is really truly awful, like if I'm taking a risk to protect someone from being sent to the camps it's different than if I'm taking a risk to stop them vomming up their supper.

Comments

Private message to Pansy

[alt_sally_anne]

Anyway.

Of course talking to Siz got me thinking about this, too, I mean is it utterly mad that I'm taking the risk of being sent to the camps when she doesn't even want to risk her Mum getting sacked from her job? Or is it mad that she won't risk her Mum getting sacked, when so much is at stake?

And then there's the Order. The more time I spend around them the more I'm convinced they're just like grown-up versions of us, you know, when it comes to deciding what they'll risk and when and for who. There are people they could get out every so easily who they don't bother with and there are people they'll risk capture and death for and it doesn't always make sense. They don't think with their heads, necessarily.

It really is the Gryffindor problem, isn't it? When you let Gryffindors run things instead of Slytherins and Ravenclaws.

Though you know, THAT'S why they didn't tell me about the baby for so long. Madame Pomfrey was the one deciding and SHE is one of the Ravenclaws. If you're deciding with your head then of course you keep that a secret, don't you? Because breaking my heart won't kill anyone.

Re: Private message to Pansy

[alt_sally_anne]

Though given that she ran the meeting maybe it's actually Mrs Longbottom running things, and she's a Hufflepuff.

Which might explain why she spent, like, an HOUR trying to convince me I shouldn't be cross. A Gryffindor would've said, 'oh, you're cross? shame. let's go practise duelling some more, then, put your inner turmoil to some practical use!'

Re: Private message to Pansy

[alt_pansy]

She is terribly earnest, isn't she?

Re: Private message to Pansy

[alt_sally_anne]

EARNEST LIKE ONLY A HUFFLEPUFF CAN BE.

Okay that's a little unfair. Terry can also be terribly, terribly earnest, and he's a Ravenclaw.

And Neville! And he's a Gryffindor. But he's also Mrs Longbottom's son, even if he didn't see her much growing up, so it's clearly one of those things that runs in families, like red hair.

Re: Private message to Pansy

[alt_pansy]

Well. And. I mean, last term Hermione was talking about how some of their people died. In Ireland.

So I can see why they'd be cautious.

And you know how we keep some people out of the lock who have galleons, and Ginny Weasley isn't even part of any of it. For good reason.

Re: Private message to Pansy

[alt_sally_anne]

True enough.

[alt_pansy]

Maybe it's just really hard to see someone in pain and not do anything?

Which is one of the reasons why you're you.

There aren't many of them. At all. I mean, from what we can tell. They might have loads and loads of members they keep even more quiet about, but really, I think we met most of them this week, and they mentioned like a few more who weren't there, but I'm pretty sure you could take everyone who's a part of it and sit them around the kitchen table at Grimmauld.

It'd be hard for a group that size to do everything right all the time and help everyone. Even if they really wanted to. I mean, we aren't perfect either.

But at least they're trying? Which is something?

[alt_sally_anne]

Oh yeah they're trying.

I think you're right there aren't very many. Which is a pretty discouraging thing to think too much about. Though there are those babies they're raising, kind of their own tiny secret wizarding army but it's going to take SO LONG.

[alt_sally_anne]

Oh, and they are trying to recruit muggles. A little at a time.

Mrs Longbottom gave me this button, it's a little like the galleons but it can be used by muggles. She wants me to give it to someone at the Stretton estates, someone who's trusted and maybe a little bit of a leader.

[alt_pansy]

Oh?

That's interesting. I thought they were really serious about muggle born, but I didn't think they were as involved with muggles.

I wonder how many they've passed out. And what they say to each other.

[alt_ron]

Yeah. Today Mrs Longbottom talked to me.

And, well, now you say it, that makes me wonder about Charlie asking if I wanted to go fishing. D'you think they told him to talk to me?

I mean, I'm still glad I went. We took our brooms and our fishing poles and went way up river. It was dead nift.

Except he did want to talk about the Order. I dunno if he was trying to to get me to tell him stuff about us or... mostly we just talked about what they do. And what I could do.

That's what I asked both of them. And it's what I asked Dad the last time we talked.

I don't know. They both thought I might have the right idea with the land reclamation and redevelopment office because being able to go out surveying would be good. And maybe I'd hear about the Ministry's plans for building stuff or for secret facilities and also stuff that could help us know where we could set up secret safe houses or whatever that the Ministry would find because they'd be in places their not interested in, y'know? And a job like that would probably get me clearance to go pretty much anywhere out in the countryside and not have anyone be suspicious of why I was there.

Only, Charlie said something else. He said another job that would give me clearance that would be dead useful would be to be an Auror.

[alt_sally_anne]

Auror. Seriously? Merlin, Ron, you'd have to work for Auror Crouch. You'd be working with Auror Lestrange. That is just about the most dangerous job someone like us could possibly decide to go for.

You'd be good at it, though. And some of the Order people WERE Aurors, you know, before. It's sort of weird to think of it as a job that a nice person would do, you know?

[alt_pansy]

They kill and torture people.

I mean, I don't know if Aurors used to do that before, but they do it now.

[alt_sally_anne]

Well, okay, just for the record I was NOT saying I thought Ron would be good at the killing and torturing bits.

[alt_pansy]

Of course you weren't.

I just meant in addition to the other stuff, which he is good at.

[alt_ron]

Thanks.

Mrs Longbottom says that working in the Protectorate we may have to do things we don't agree with or believe in so we can be in positions where we can make a difference.

That's what Dad did, and it was really rough for him sometimes. I mean, you could always tell when he'd had to do something at work that made him sick.

I don't think Mrs Longbottom was thinking about me being an Auror, though. She was just saying that CCF was likely to get more and more like that, and it'd be preparing ourselves for stuff we'd have to do later if we have jobs at the Ministry.

Course, she also talked about Sirius and Mr Shacklebolt and herself and Mr Longbottom, being fugitives who fight against the Ministry. And they have to do things sometimes, too, that you wouldn't want to know or to ever have to do. But they do it because they want things to be different, and that's not going to happen without...y'know.

[alt_pansy]

Without people getting hurt.

[alt_ron]

Yeah.

[alt_pansy]

Do you think she's in charge?

Mrs Longbottom, I mean?

[alt_sally_anne]

Well, given how much they like keeping secrets, if I were going to GUESS I'd say that she's the assistant to the real leader and the real leader is someone we've never seen and don't know the name of.

But she's certainly acting more like she's in charge than anyone else here.

And I'll say that I'm pretty sure Sirius Black isn't in charge. I mean it's his house so he's the HOST but beyond that he doesn't act like he's making the decisions.

[alt_pansy]

Hermione would know.

[alt_ron]

Yeah. I think she took over for Dad.

Which.

That's interesting. It's not Mum.

I mean- Mrs Longbottom said they'd be meeting and talking about how long we have to wait before we could join, and she said she couldn't promise how that would go, but she'd speak for us.

Anywiz, I got the feeling that she was saying that when they talked about it before, people let Mum have her way and so they wouldn't let us join. I know Mum was why. But now they've met us, and Mrs Longbottom says she thinks they've all seen how committed we are and how impressed they are that we all are working together, purebloods and halfbloods and muggleborn, and that we protect each other. Charlie said that, too. They think that'll make a difference next time they talk about us, and she thinks we'll get in.

So I know that doesn't prove anything, but it sounded like she calls their meetings, and she just seemed to talk about it like she's the head. Only, she doesn't just tell them all what to do. They decide things by talking stuff over.

[alt_pansy]

...which is a very Hufflepuff way to do things.

She's probably in charge, then.

[alt_ron]

When Hufflepuffs rule the world...

Could it happen?

[alt_pansy]

Umbridge is one too, isn't she?

I think Mrs Longbottom could probably kick Madame Umbridge's arse in a duel. And the people that work with her seem to like her a lot more than the people who work with Umbridge.

But Madame Umbridge has an edge when it comes to not being afraid to be truly awful to get something done. At least from what I've seen of Mrs Longbottom so far. We'll have to see.

I think they have about the same number of enemies, but Umbridge probably has a much shorter lifespan. Which is sort of funny, if you think about it.

And now that Mrs Longbottom seems to be gunning for Umbridge, it's even funnier, because she and Professor Raz and Professor Dolohov all want the same thing.

[alt_sally_anne]

I know! If only they could all work together on this particular problem!!!

Because SURELY at that point Umbridge would wind up DEAD AT THE BOTTOM OF THE LAKE. Or at least she'd no longer be our problem.

[alt_pansy]

Exactly.

Well, if we work with both, that might help matters.